Day 1: The Plaza of Broken Moons

     Our story begins, as is standard practice in Ankh-Morpork, with chaos. Specifically, a large crowd of the citizens has gathered to watch an argument currently taking place between a group of the city's most esteemed priests and what technically amounts to a brick wall. Dorfl, the city's only free golem, apparently has the day off from the City Watch and a large congregation of priests is taking him up on his offer to convert to any faith that can prove its supremacy through logical argument. Unfortunately, their primary argument for supremacy, namely, lightning from above, is ineffective against a being made of stone and the assorted clergy are failing to find much in their repertoire that might count as a "plan B."

      Among the crowd that has congregated to watch the commotion are three of our story's heroes: Alexander Goodness, small time merchant, Jorr, a dwarven cook, and Guen Rei of the Guild of Theives. Having seen a few examples of what amounts to blistering retorts, at least among the priests, all of which ground ineffectually into the golem, the three are about to go their own ways when a young man dressed in the robes of an acolyte and carrying a book bound in black letter comes running out of an alleyway and collides with Jorr. He gives a startled look at Jorr and Alexander before noting Guen Rei at which point he screams "Not my fault" and sprints back up the alley from whence he came. Jorr and Guen Rei give chase. Alexander, on the other hand, decides that chasing people into alleys is probably not the safest of recreational activities he can think of, especially in a city like Ankh-Morpork (which already considers ambushing the unwary in alleys to be a semi-recreational outdoor sport) and continues about his business private.

      As the acolyte flees the pursuing dwarf and thief, he drops a small card which Guen Rei deftly snatches as she continues her pursuit. The acolyte manages to dive into the temple of Offler the crocodile god just ahead of the thief. After Jorr catches up, Guen Rei and Jorr discuss the options available to them. These consist primarily of entering the temple, and forgetting the whole matter and going out for lunch. Interestingly, the former is chose. However, Guen Rei is only able to make it a short distance into the temple before she is spotted by a large man sitting at the end of a hall. The man lets out a shout and Guen Rei bravely flees the building. Having made some distance between themselves and the temple, Guen Rei and Jorr take a moment to look at the card dropped by the acolyte. It reads: 13 Nonesuch St, an address in one of the better off sections of the city.

      In the meantime, Alexander had an appointment at 11 Nonesuch Street. A particular lady at that address has a list of small items that she wishes to have Alexander acquire for her. He immediately sets out and, by the evening, has collected every item on the list. His employer seems pleased and indicates that a more lasting contract may be available to Alexander and that he should show up at the house two doors down the next morning if he is interested: 13 Nonesuch Street.

      As Alexander leaves the house, he notes that Guen Rei and Jorr are, in fact, standing outside said house. They had just been thwarted in their attempts to gain entrance to the building by the butler who claims the house has no need of a dwarf cook despite Jorr's assurances that he knows how to cook more than rat. Guen Rei had expressed some doubt as to the veracity of this latter statement and Jorr purchased a pair of pheasants by which he planned to prove his point. It was at this point that Alexander arrived and was invited to dine with the pair, and offer that he accepted.

      The meal turned out to be quite good and the trio spent some time talking about various topics. Eventually, Alexander excused himself to finish off his day's business and Jorr and Guen Rei spent the rest of the evening playing cards.

Day 2: In Which Various People are Hired

      The next morning, Alexander went to his meeting at 13 Nonesuch Street. He is shown in and greeted by a shadowy figure in the sitting room. The figure says that he wishes to hire Alexander to acquire some items for him. The figure also says that a team of adventurers is being assembled to assist Alexander in this task as some of them do not fall into the category of "small." The task will require quite a bit of traveling and may involve some risk (although Alexander is free to delegate the latter to other adventurers). After a bit more discussion and an agreement on Alexander's fee, Alexander agrees and is told to come back at 4:00 at which point the team will have been assembled.

      Meanwhile, Jorr and Guen Rei have noticed an advertisement in the Ankh-Morpork Times for adventurers willing to accept substandard wages. What catches their eye is that applicants are to apply at 13 Nonesuch Street. As they are still curious about the events of the previous day, they both resolve to show up and apply for the position, if for no other reason than just to try to get a better idea of what is going on. They are not the only ones to see the ad. The ad is also read by Ernst "Sved" Peabody, an elderly librarian with ambitions of barbarianhood. The ad is also read by (or rather, to) Brom Ulfson, an actual barbarian whose strength (in muscle and odor) precedes him. All of them wind up in the line from the front door of 13 Nonesuch street. Their co-hopefuls in the line range from the doubtful through the very depths of pathetic. At noon, the house's butler, opens the door, gives a resigned sigh, and calls for the first applicant.

      This applicant turns out to be Sved the Librarian. The shadowy figure, after hearing Sved's desire for adventure is initially doubtful about hiring a septuagenarian with no more combat experience than handling crowds of youth clambering for the library's only copy of the latest Harry Potter book, but Sved repeatedly expresses his enthusiasm to begin a life of barbarianhood as well as mentions his skills as a linguist and diplomat. Eventually, the figure in the chair eventually has Sved sign his name on a piece of paper and is told that he will be contacted if they require his services.

      A few applicants later, Jorr and Guen Rei are brought in. The two evade the man's questions as to what they were doing at the residence the previous day by giving their credentials. The man seems somewhat less impressed by Jorr's cooking skills than Guen Rei's thief license, but seems willing to consider the pair. Returning to the man's initial question, Jorr explains the incident with the acolyte and the book. The shadowed figure then explains that said book belonged to him and was stolen. The man says that he will offer the pair positions if they can retrieve the book for him. The two agree and depart after signing their names to a sheet of paper provided by their potential employer.

      Meanwhile, the butler has been preempting vast swaths of the line and sending them home. One of the figures who escapes this screening is Brom, whose imposing stature immediately stands him out as being more qualified than his companions with the scrawny builds and cardboard weaponry. Brom is shown into the house.

      The man in the shadows seems immediately impressed with Brom, despite the latter's lack of sword. A fee is agreed upon and Brom is invited to join the party. Brom acts offended when asked if he is capable of writing his own name, but his bluff is called as a pen and paper are produced. Brom deftly evades embarrassment through the use of heavy smearing. After informing the man in the shadows where he can be contacted, Brom is escorted from the residence.

      Meanwhile, Guen Rei and Jorr have hatched a subtle plan for retrieving the man's book: Jorr will cause a distraction and Guen Rei will steal the book. Guen Rei skillfully enters the back of the building and begins navigating the needlessly complicated halls of the temple. Meanwhile, Jorr wanders around to the front of the building only to find that a service is in progress. Jorr, realizing that most of the temple's occupants are probably at the service, as well as recognizing that disrupting a service in which spear and other blades figure prominently could entail some risks, decided simply to watch the event. An acolyte approaches him and Jorr covers his presence by asking to join the ceremony. A loaner spear is produced and the dwarf joins the chanting and spear raising with the rest of the laity.

      Meanwhile, Guen Rei has realized that there may be a technical flaw to her plan given the fact that she doesn't know what the book she is looking for is about. The first office she enters had three books that match the general appearance of the book she saw the previous day and the bags them all. As she is wandering downstairs in search of more such volumes, she hears voices ahead of her. As she creeps closer she notices a large, strongly built man conversing with a younger man. The latter, she is able to identify as the young acolyte who ran into Jorr the previous day. Listening in to the conversation, the larger man is reassuring the young acolyte that he did an excellent job, that he will not be forced to repeat the task, and that the item will be examined carefully to see if it can be used for the temple's purposes. Much relieved, the acolyte is told to return to his room and get some rest. The acolyte heads down the hall while other man pulls out some keys and enters a side door. Guen Rei decides to follow the acolyte and manages to make it all the way to the acolyte's room. However, at this point her nerves fail and she sneaks back out of the building without taking anything else. She and Jorr meet up and depart the temple grounds. The two return to 13 Nonesuch Street and offer the three books to the shadowed man on the chance that one of them is the one he wanted. He replies in the negative and the two depart again to plan their next move.

      Shortly thereafter Brom and Sved are summoned to the residence. Alexander follows shortly thereafter. Finally, Guen Rei and Jorr are summoned as the man decides that they probably can be of use despite their failure to retrieve the book. The party members are introduced and Alexander takes the man aside, pointing out the nature of the "adventurers" assembled, demands half of his money up front.

      With this out of the way, the shadowed man reveals the purpose for which the group has been assembled. The man claims to be a collector of the works of a Gregor Gregorovich, an obscure sculptor from around 200 years prior. Specifically, he is attempting to collect 8 small statues created by this artist. He already has one, a statue of a monkey balancing in a strange position, which is shown to the group. Alexander, Sved and Guen Rei all make careful observations of the statue. Brom simply shudders and mutters something about monkeys under his breath. The man explains that the other statues are scattered across the Disc and that the group is tasked with collecting the remaining seven. He also notes that the current owners will probably not be entirely willing to part with said statues, hence his employment of adventurers.

      As of the current time, the man claims to only know the locations of two of the other statues. One is in the land of Llamedos, land of druids, stone circles, and lots and lots of rain. He explains that the statue is located in a large clearing in the middle of the land that serves as the main meeting place of the land's druids. He explains that there will be a large number of other objects in the area so some searching will be required. The second statue is in Uberwald in the city of Lancre and is owned by a Miss Garlick. He claims that she has a cottage there and that he believes the statue was given to her by her grandmother.

      The man suggests that the party start in Llamedos and gather the statue in Lancre on the way back. In the meantime, he will attempt to locate the remaining five statues. He offers to supply a donkey and cart to the party and also provides some money for provisions. With these matters decided, the party agrees to meet the following morning to set out on their journey. The individual members of the party then depart to wrap up their business in the city.

Days 3-5: Setting Out, or Cabbages, Cabbages, and more Cabbages

      The following morning dawned crisp and foggy. The members of the party arrived at Nonesuch Street, Alexander riding his horse. A donkey hitched to a small cart was present as well. The party members loaded their belongings into the cart and set off, Brom driving the cart (without using the donkey equivalent of a clutch) and Sved sitting beside him. Guen Rei rode in the back of the cart while Jorr walked behind. The party left the city gates and headed out onto the Sto Plains.

      The group spent two gratuitously uneventful days travelling the road north as it wove through mile after unending mile of cabbages. Finally, on the third day, they reached the foothills of the Ramtops where the group veered left towards Llamedos. It was toward evening of this day that five men jumped out of the underbrush and surrounded the party.

      Alexander, noting that there were an equal number of bandits and party members, figured that, given the odds, an even exchange of goods was in order and said as much. The bandit leader, however, appeared to take Alexander's remarks as a challenge and had the raiders rush the party. Alexander turned his horse toward one of the bandits, who ducked in time to have the horse jump him, and then trotted out of range of the melee. Brom drew his mighty club and proceeded to cause grievous harm to the unfortunate bandit who drew the short straw and was left attacking the barbarian. Guen Rei drew her knives and attacked one bandit, Sved threw a knife and then proceeded to attack a bandit using his staff, and Jorr drew his trusty axe and proceeded to make things very interesting for his bandit's knees. The remaining bandit, who had been jumped by Alexander's horse, ran forward and cut the donkey's reins, planning to steal the animal.

      Guen Rei was able to drive her assailant off and began attacking the bandit attempting to steal the donkey. Jorr was starting to get a bit of the worse end of his bandit (namely the pointy end), Sved continued to exchange blows with his bandit, and Brom went around clubbing the crawling, wounded bandits like so many baby seals. Alexander, noting that the battle had now turned decidedly in the party's favor, turned his horse and headed towards the bandit who was attempting to steal the donkey and was currently engaged with Guen Rei. Guen Rei was demonstrating some fearsome accuracy with her blades which nonetheless were unable to fell her opponent due to the fact that she evidently has the strength of wet paper. This bandit did, however, lose quite a bit of his composure when Alexander's blade whistled past his nose.

      Meanwhile, Sved managed to finish off his bandit and moved to help Jorr who, by this point, was demonstrating that axe fighting was probably not the reason he was hired. The bandit who attempted to steal the donkey was knocked backwards after a failed attack and rendered somewhat ineffectual as Alexander reached down and gently pinned the man to the ground with his rapier. This freed up Brom and Guen Rei to come to the aid of the party's beleaguered dwarf. The remaining bandit, seeing that he was about to be severely outnumbered, attempted to run away. Brom and Guen Rei took this as a challenge. Evidently, it was not much of a challenge.

      As Guen Rei and Brom disposed of the remaining bandit. Sved saw to Jorr's wounds. When Guen Rei returned, the captured bandit was bound and interrogated. He revealed that the bandits' camp was just a hundred yards off the road. Brom and Guen Rei were sent to look for useful materials. The found a simple shack with five flats laid out for sleeping, a little food spoiling on the table, and an old chest. Although initially stymied by this challenge (as lock picking had not been Guen Rei's major in the thief academy) the chest did prove pliable (literally) to Brom. The two found a decent amount of gold and gems, which they promptly divided between themselves and failed to mention it in their report back to the group.

      As night was falling, it was decided that this probably represented as good a spot to camp as any. The cart was pulled off the road and the party, along with their prisoner, made their way to the bandit's shack. Jorr made a quite passable dinner, despite his blood loss, and the group divided itself up to take watches during the night.