Ankh-Morpork. Wide sprawling city that it is. One of the first things someone not from Ankh-Morpork notices is the smell. In fact, this can be quite overwhelming and somewhat nauseating. Citizens of the city, however, consider the smell to be one of the Distinctive Features of the city. It is likely that most citizens actually have developed a selective sense of smell that filters out most of the normal background in Ankh-Morpork, but it is also known that should they leave the city they do find the lack of the stench somewhat disconcerting.

The next thing a visitor might notice about the city is the dirt. Ankh-Morpork is built largely upon older versions of Ankh-Morpork, and none of them really had a good handle on "sewage". The city below is laced with hidden pathways, old lost rooms, and streams. The built-over streams have been put to the use that humanity has found for fresh water - that of making it as unpotable as possible.

Through the city flows - or perhaps sludges - the wide river Ankh. The river is not so much... fluid... as ooozing. It comes down crystal clear from the Ramtop Mountains but by the time it passes through the Sto Plains it has picked up a rather large amount of silt. To which, let's face it, is added the excrement and industrial waste of an entire city. If you're careful, you might even be able to walk across its crusted surface. Two bridges span across the river, and at the downstream end of the city there are also gates which may be closed to flood the city in case of rampant fire.^*

The Ankh divides the city into two separate parts, which in fact were once two different cities. Ankh, the more affluent of the two, sits in a wide bend into Morpork. Here lies the Opera House, and Pseudopolis Yard where the Watch House is. This is where the Watch (and its Commander, Sir Samuel Vimes) keeps up its operations fighting what crime there is in the city.

Other parts of Ankh-Morpork that may be of interest are the Patrician's Palace, where Lord Vetinari rules the city. Guides. Advises. It is a system of his devising which keeps him in power - the Guilds all have a vested interest in keeping Vetinari in power because, well, no one else wants to do the job and they'd rather not see one of the other guilds ruling the city. Prominent guilds in Ankh-Morpork are the Assassin's Guild (indeed, Lord Vetinari spent some time learning the trade), the Merchant's Guild, the Thieves Guild (no thieving without a license!), the Beggers Guild, and the Seamstress' Guild^**

The Plaza of Broken Moons is one where the many Priests of the various Gods have their worship houses. Sometimes it is possible to see a good show of Smiting the Unbelievers in the Plaza.

Wizards - and most other people in Ankh-Morpork - are at least aware of the existence of Unseen University. This is where wizards of all ranks go for training, classes and cutthroat competition for higher rank (it is poor form to use magic, partly because it tends not to work against the wards higher levels have place about themselves). Largely the university system is in place to prevent things like the Mage Wars from occurring again. All wizards at UU cultivate a healthy appetite for large dinners (the cooks at UU are excellent). Students take courses which may or may not seem relevant. Those who decide to leave the university upon completion of the exam might be found set up with a small private practice in town. One of the more interesting aspects of the University is its Library. This is where the magical books are kept chained down because they are quite dangerous.

For those looking for a place to drink, there are several bars in town. The most famous is the Mended (previously Broken) Drum. This is where all the toughs go to hang out. The beer is passable, and the splatter at the door checks to be sure those entering meet a "toughness" requirement, although sometimes others can get in depending on the night. The Librarian^*** drinks here on occasion. If the Mended Drum doesn't seem the right place, there are other pubs in town. If you're an undead looking for a place you can just be yourself, Bier's is the place for you. Other people don't really know about Bier's, so it tends to be safe for werewolves, bogeymen, tooth fairies, and the like. The one place that tends to be avoided is where the Watch drink. Everyone knows that coppers get real intense about having their drink disturbed.

Of course, every city not only has its bars, but also has its places to avoid. In Ankh-Morpork, the latter is called the Shades. Up until recently, even the Watch avoided the Shades - and still do if it's dark out or if they are not in a large group. This is where all the unsavory folk live, die, and beat each other up. And anyone who walks in unsuspecting (or most times, even suspecting) will end up mugged and dead. We're not talking about assassins or thieves or beggars here. We're not even talking about Barbarians. No, we are talking about the most cutthroat nasty pieces to walk this side of Klatch.

^*This happens quite frequently in Ankh-Morpork. The citizens seem quite happy with building their homes and businesses out of dry-as-tinder wood and thatch. Bucket brigades are often organized if fires break out, and sometimes the gates must be closed, flooding the streets with thick nasty water from the Ankh.
^**Hem, hem. (They aren't particularly involved in sewing.)
^***The Librarian of Unseen University once had a magical accident which turned him into an orangutang. No one particularly argues with him about keeping his job. After all, someone who happens to be 200 lbs of pure muscle isn't someone you want to hand the pink slip. Also, he is not a monkey. He is a Great Ape. Best not to forget that.